Friday, 20 March 2009

Physics and maths proves game theory.

The universe can only do what's possible, so when we found out that there was no solution to the three body problem, it was only a matter of time before we proved that the universe wasn't using the simple abstracts we kept on simulating it with. Before long, we found out that there was a smallest time step, and soon after that we found out that time dilation was purely down to load balancing. We found a back door into the balancing act and soon enough we had faster than light travel as we sucked cycles from the universe. Travel around the universe was quick and cheap. After decades of research, and some observations of our own planet (by taking videos of our planet from millions of light years away) we found that humans were in fact visited by aliens a long time ago, but research into where these aliens came from lead to a point in space on the far side of Pluto. The aliens hadn't come from there, they had just materialised.

Pluto wasn't a planet, not even a planetoid. It was a spawn point.

Then, the hunt was on to figure out which ones of us were the NPCs, and which where the Players.

Monday, 16 March 2009

Royal Pain

I had defeated the King of Space. I made new laws. My first law was that no-one was allowed to complain about me eating strange things. I held a bag of crisps up in the air, then the strawberry milkshake. The audience gasped. I had them beheaded.
I held up a jar of pickled onions, and then I revealed profiteroles. The remains of the audience tried to stifle their reaction. I had the loudest ones beheaded.
I held up a loaf of bread, then I held up a jar of peanut butter. No-one made a noise, except a little kid who said, "look he's not wearing any clothes."
I had the kid brought up to the stage to find out why his eyes weren't working, but when he got there he was my mother. Then I got out of the bed where last night's conquests still lay.
My mum, the kid, said "You should put a jumper on."
The audience agreed, so I put on a fur coat, and the fur tickled. The coat smelt like coffee.
Waking up is always such an anti-climax, but it's lovely when your wife brings you coffee in the morning.

Thursday, 5 March 2009

My river

Thinking about it makes it worse. I should just enjoy the time I have. I like sitting on the riverbank too much, for too many years. This place has been a friend to me in times of worry and doubt. I've sat here and contemplated for hours, sun shining down through the trees onto me. It's a beautiful place. That's the problem though, I think about it not being here and I then can't think about anything other than the fact that it's never going to be as good and as easy as this. In this place I can look forward to things never being as nice. They plan to divert the river, to remove my safe place. The river will no longer flow along this bed and the bank will dry out. The river won't hold it's secrets anymore. How will this affect my life? Will I be able to find solace? Will I be able to find somewhere else to put the bodies? Will I be able to remember where I submerged them all?