Monday, 20 October 2008


I used to think he hated me, but now I see that he feared me. The job is hard; I see that now. If only he hadn't treated me like that, maybe I wouldn't have taken my anger out on him. Interruptions, that's how I did it. I kept at him, badgered him, made him irritable, made him mad. In the end, I think he might have been pleased to be away from it all. His position was hopeless. He wasn't paranoid, I really was making sure everyone was out to get him. To stall him. To make him late.

He's gone, but he's left his mark. I now fear that I am become him. They're not my slaves, they don't have to work for me, just like I didn't have to work for him. Do they fear me? Will they destroy me the same way I caused despair in him? Do I fear them? I never felt so alone. Did he ever feel alone?It's so quiet now. When he was alone, in the quiet, did he get as nervous as I am now?

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