Tuesday, 30 September 2008

Don't blame the tools

We all need to rethink our goals. We all think we know what it is that we want, but most of us never really find it. I mean take me, I sit down and work on perfecting my tools, but with what aim? I'm always after that perfection, but it's not until I'm using them that I see it.
That's the difference, right there, the moment where it could stick. I mean, it just slipped out, and that's important, but when I'm sharpening the blade I think more about how precise the angle is. It's not until I use it that i think about how easy it is to stab someone with a properly finished edge.

Mud pies

I feel so heavy, so stuck to this planet like it holds onto me and won't let go. I push and can't even float up like I want to. That's what it's been like; so heavy and harsh. The ground feels gritty and cold now. I can look at the sky and it just looks empty. The clouds are just some overachieving water. That's what everything is like now. I make tiny salty mud pies because of you.

Hold on.

She won't be pleased. No matter what I say, nothing's going to be as good as if I'd held on tight enough. There's a horrible doom in watching it fade slowly, float away never to be recaptured. I haven't got any more money either, so I can't buy another one.

Monday, 29 September 2008


We all thought it was an advertising campaign. There was screaming, but we thought they were actors. They can't blame us for acting the way we did. I heard that someone didn't believe until he was actually being eaten. We realised that the monsters were real eventually. It was half an hour at most. I'll miss Kelly, but at least I shot dead the monster that ate her.

Never again a non-smoker.

After having used it on and off for years, I don't bother any more. Being invisible just isn't as useful as people think it is. There's no love in the girls showers, no point in having the stolen money if I haven't earnt it. I've been happier since I gave it up, but I worry about it. It's like being an ex-smoker, you can't ever be the same again. Sometimes the temptation is still there, like at my son's Birthday parties, but I know it's a slippery slope.

Break the ice

I can see the look on his face. He wants to leave already. He's only just got here. I want to go over to him and say "get some guts, get up and dance", but I know he'll hate me for that. He'll deny he wants to go, then moments late he'll be gone. I know that feeling, it's like the moments before you let go and jump off the cliff. The anticipation, the build up, it's worse than the pain itself. I can't talk to him. I can't do it either. I guess we both have our limits.


It wasn't like we didn't see it coming, we did, but we didn't know what it was. We watched so closely that we didn't notice. You say we should have known, but if you were on the inside, would you have been able to tell? We always thought we had it under control.

I remember them telling us about boiling a frog.


Sometimes it comes on suddenly and I have to stop what I'm talking about because I suddenly feel very alone. I can be in a room full of people, their wordy opinions flying around, and it'll hit me that there's probably no-one else here that has killed someone on purpose. I'm sad that there aren't more like me. I think people would calm down a little quicker.

she won't come back

"She's not here, she's in his bed."
"She's left you, you know."
"Not yet, I can be more, I can be enough for her. She loves me you know?"
"You can't be enough, give it up. Let's go out. Let's clear her out of your system."
"I don't want to. I need to call her. She needs me."
"You don't, she doesn't need you, not you or any other woman. She's straight and you'll just have to admit it."

forced hands.

"By fighting me, you may not only lose the battle, but at lest you have already lost the respect of those that were undecided."
"You need to be destroyed. How could I not tackle you?"
"Indeed, that is how I had planned it. I just thought I might warn you against a phyrric victory."

Man made mountain.

The skulls were hidden under only a shallow layer of earth. As we looked up to the top of the hill we realised that millions had died to construct this monument.